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मंदार शिंदे
Mandar Shinde

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

No questions please!

Disclaimer: This incident is a work of imagination. Any resemblance to persons living or dead, or incidents happened or scheduled will be considered nothing but a coincidence.

A Ph.D. student from Jawaharlal Nehru University, New Delhi is arrested for shouting anti-national slogans in the University campus. The student, Umar Khalid is accused of having direct links with terrorist outfits operating from Kashmir. Umar Khalid is presented in the Court after ceremoniously beating him up at the Court gates. The lawyers who generously participated in the national act of 'teaching-him-a-lesson' have also taken their selfies with the wounded 'deshdrohi' and are now busy updating their profile pictures on WhatsApp and Facebook. Inside the court, the Public Prosecutor starts the proceedings of the case with permission from Honourable Judge.

Public Prosecutor (PP): Which book would you prefer to take oath on, Umar Khalid? Geeta or Quran?
Umar Khalid (UK): I'm an atheist, sir.
PP (to his assistant): Do you know which is the book for atheist religion?
Assistant: Atheists don't believe in any religion, sir.
PP: Oh, I see. So Umar Khalid, it means whatever you are going to speak today cannot be taken as a truth, since you will not take an oath. Point to be noted, My Lord.
UK: I don't believe in a religion, sir. I believe only in truth.
PP: I see. So my first and important question to you is - why did you organise an anti-national event in the University campus without Vice Chancellor's permission?
UK: It was not an anti-national event and we even had the permission, sir. We took the permission before declaring the event to students. The permission was cancelled at last moment, so we couldn't do anything about it. In any case, no event as such happened. Only slogan-shouting happened...
PP: Anti-national slogan-shouting?
UK: We didn't raise any anti-national slogans, sir.
PP: Can you prove that?
UK: Prove what, sir?
PP: Can you prove that you didn't shout any anti-national slogans?
UK: There were other students and many outsiders at the venue. We don't know who shouted what...
PP: I'm not bothered about others. Can you prove that you did not raise any anti-national slogans? Do you have any evidence of your innocence?
UK: I'm telling you, sir, that I didn't say a word against the nation.
PP: We cannot believe on words of a traitor. You'll have to prove your innocence. You'll have to prove that you didn't raise anti-national slogans.
UK: How can I prove this, sir?
PP: Simple! Produce a video showing yourself standing silently among hundreds of other students who were shouting anti-national slogans.
UK: I don't have such a video, sir.
PP: So you cannot prove that you didn't raise anti-national slogans. (Smiles) That means we have a reason to believe that you were one among those who shouted anti-national slogans. (Turns to the judge) Point to be noted, My Lord.
UK: (Looks aghast!)
PP: Umar Khalid, now that the primary evidence has turned against you, can you prove that you're not a traitor?
UK: I'm certainly not a traitor, sir.
PP: I have not asked you whether you are a traitor or not. I'm asking - can you prove it?
UK: And how does one prove that, sir?
PP: Simple! Just repeat after me - (Shouts) Bharat Mata ki Jai!
UK: Bharat Mata ki Jai.
PP: (Shouts) Vande Mataram!
UK: Vande Mataram.
PP: (Shouts louder) Hindustan Zindabad!
UK: Hindustan Zindabad.
PP: (Shouts even louder) Pakistan Murdabad!
UK: Pakistan... Why sir? I said Hindustan Zindabad. Why should I say bad words about a country I don't know much about?
PP: To prove your deshbhakti, Umar Khalid! Pakistan is our national enemy. We should feel proud in abusing and cursing that nation. Now say - Kashmir sirf Hindustan ka hai!
UK: I can't say that, sir. The people in Kashmir think otherwise.
PP: Really? Then they are all traitors. If you want to prove you're not a traitor, say - Kashmir sirf Hindustan ka hai!
UK: No sir, I can't say that. I'm not convinced on this topic.
PP: Point to be noted, My Lord. Umar Khalid does not hate Pakistan. That means he loves Pakistan. Similarly, Umar Khalid does not accept that Kashmir is a part of India. So he is a separationist. I request to the Honourable Court to declare Umar Khalid as a traitor, a Pakistan-lover, a separationist...
UK: But that would be a wrong judgement, sir...
PP: (Shouts) Contempt of court! You're doubting the court? Which country are you living in, Umar Khalid? In our country, if the court declares that an actor is not guilty of driving over a man sleeping on the footpath, we suspect whether there really was any man killed or not. We do not suspect the court's judgement. If the court does not find anyone guilty of demolishing a religious building, we suspect whether any such building was really demolished or not. We do not suspect the court's judgement. If a court acquits ministers of a state in a case of riots and mass-killing, we suspect whether such riots and mass-killing really happened or not. We do not suspect the court's judgement. If the court does not find anyone guilty in case of a scam worth thousands of crores of rupees, we suspect whether such a scam had really happened or not. We do not suspect the court's judgement. So Umar Khalid, if the court declares you as a traitor, neither yourself nor your friends and wellwishers will have the right to suspect the court's judgement. They'll all have to call you a traitor from the moment you're declared a traitor by the Court. If anyone tries to raise a question against this judgement, he or she will also be called a traitor. Mind it! (Huge applause)
Honourable Judge: (Wiping their glasses) Bas Kar Pagle, Rulaayega Kya?


1 comment:

  1. well done, might be work of imagination, but wouldn't be surprised if it were real.